Archivist’s Note: The Department of Misplaced Flora and Fauna was developed by Elvea Aure, aka Killer Barbie, a Boarder who seems to have been active during roughly the same time period as Jay and Acacia themselves. The earliest surviving capture of her site by the Wayback Machine is on November 7, 2003, with all mission links already existing by then. The latest capture for Elvea's site material is August 16, 2004, and “I’ll Be the One” is the only mission of hers that did not get rescued by the Wayback. (Huinesoron backed up the other missions in 2008.)

Light editing for grammar and punctuation has occurred as well as rendering “*pookie*” as “pookie” and fixing “Legolas regained conscience” to “Legolas regained consciousness.” Elvea’s original British-style quotation marking has been retained. This mission is rated roughly PG-13, due to Joe’s amorous flirting and the violence present in the badfic. Elvea’s note at the end contains author-bashing, which is no longer considered appropriate by the community at large.

The PPC and Luxury and Sean were created by Jay and Acacia, and the setting is written in with permission. The Department of Misplaced Flora and Fauna, and Agents Joe and Mel, were created by Elvea Aure, and the agents belong to her. The Middle-earth setting and everything in it belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. ”I’ll Be the One”, and the description of it quoted from the author’s page, belong to MoonBolt.

I'll Be the One )

[Elvea Aure’s Note: the author of this story is by far the most stupid author I have ever encountered. I quote from her author's note in the 20th chapter of the story: I'm not sure about which way is horizontal *blushes* but I do think it is up and down. Come on! She deserved this; the story was absolutely horrible. I feel your pain Bodldops... really, I do. *twitches* I read it all... it was terrible. Anyway. I appreciate the submission of bad fics; let me know if you find one. I'd like one directly involving Éomer so that Mel can go bananas.

Also I'd like to thank everyone who has read the first chapter and was kind enough to give me their opinion and to point out my silly slip-ups. Keep the feedback coming, I really appreciate it. Thanks!]
Archivist's Note: Ellipsis Flood wrote this story as part of Astral Void's Halloween Co-Write in 2011. It features Agent Saline telling a story from her home canon, an original setting of EF's creation. The story was originally posted to EF's website, but was not automatically saved by archive sites like the rest of her stories were.

The Protectors of the Plot Continuum was created by Jay and Acacia, and is written in with permission. This story is rated G—maybe PG, if the reader is easily frightened.

Ellipsis Flood's story )
Archivist’s Note: This story is part of Astral Void’s Halloween Co-write from 2011, and was the final story added. The chronological list of the event can be found on the PPC Wiki. TheCatfishCaper didn’t give this story a title; thus the very generic one given below. Minor punctuation editing has occurred.

TheCatfishCaper theirself never received permission, and this is Agent Hikari Matsudaira’s only appearance in PPC canon. The archivist personally believes the scary story told here is Hikari’s actual backstory, but there is essentially no way to know for certain, without any other material.

The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia, and is written in with permission (in this case, as part of an event with other writers with permission). Agent Grace Leon belongs to Astral Void. This story is rated about G, unless the reader is easily scared.

TheCatfishCaper’s Story )
Archivist's Note: DT Maxwell is the author of the Stargate Official Fanfiction University, and creator of the mini-Mastadge, currently the mini of the Stargate film. The story originally appeared here, but was deleted from the Pit not once, but twice in 2005. The archivist was able to get in contact with DT Maxwell, who had fortunately saved the original copies of the story, and was gracious enough to share them for posterity. The LiveJournal account mentioned in chapter five's author note is still available.

Very minor technical edits have been made. The original story had paragraphs beginning with indents; for ease of reading, these were not recreated here. The story is roughly PG, owing to the usual learning through pain present at any OFU.

The following story was written by DT Maxwell. Stargate belongs to Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich. Mentions of the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth and mini-Balrogs belong to Miss Cam, while the Balrog concept belongs to J. R. R. Tolkien.

chapter one )

chapter two )

chapter three )

chapter four )

chapter five )

chapter six )

chapter seven )

chapter eight )
Archivist's Note: Hawkelf was a PPCer from about 2003 to 2005. She developed many agents, but only wrote a few. This is a reproduction of her Freewebs site, "Welcome to Somewhere Upwards!", and the PPC story she had there, "Cat, Hawk, Kitchen." For many years, this was literally the only story to exist about the HQ Cafeteria; this is lampshaded by Gwen's failure to ever see other cooks. Gwen, M'rrhar and Rumor appear in a shared RP account on LiveJorunal. The rest of Hawkelf's characters listed below don't appear anywhere, although Agent Hawkelf was probably active on the permanently lost Department of Character Protective Services LJ community.

Everything below this paragraph is the words of Hawkelf, and is G rated. The only changes made are the display of the disclaimer as text instead of a scrolling banner, separating "nevermind" into its component words, and changing one short dash into a long one. The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia.

Welcome to Somewhere Upwards!
Disclaimer: I do not own Alpha Flight, Animorphs, ElfQuest, The Lord of the Rings, The Book of Night With Moon, X-Men or the PPC.

In Which There Are Stories
Rumor and Evelen

As soon as their department gets off the ground
and a few technical things are sorted out there
will be stories, but not before.
Agent Hawkelf
AHE will never have any actual stories, but her
department is located here.
(2009: The link is now long dead.)
Kit 'Not the God' H. and Treeleaf
Nothing of theirs up yet . . . Nothing in the progress, either . . .
I should work on that . . .
Gwen and M'rrahr

Cat, Hawk, Kitchen )
Archivist's Note: This is another mission lost with Kippur's geocities page, but rescued by Neshomeh. It takes place in 2005, probably between January 5, when Alec was re-partnered with Marc-C after Verra left on maternity leave, and March 31, when Alec's control over fire temporarily began to dwindle (since he displays control over fire in this mission).

The archivist has done editing for punctuation and italicization of major titles in this mission. The mission was written by Kippur. The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia. The original badfic, "Look Homeward, Angel Q" was written by Diana Q. Star Trek: The Next Generation belongs to Gene Roddenberry, while Touched by an Angel belongs to John Masius and Martha Williamson.

This mission is rated PG for minor swearing and for a religion being wielded like a cudgel.

Q Is Saved by Mary Sue )
Archivist's Note: Kippur (through Alec Troven) took on the task of writing solo PPC missions for the entire Marrissa Picard series of Legendary Badfics. Most of them have been missing for years due to the loss of Kippur's geocities page. Thankfully, Neshomeh saved a copy of one of these stories back in the day, originally from this link. The "4" in that link seems to indicate that there are at least two Marrissa missions still missing, although there's no way to be sure.

This mission also seems to reference another mission Alec had with Verra Rose, in which Verra left early and took the remote activator with her, leaving Alec stranded and traumatized. This mission, if it was actually published, does not survive either. It also mentions a "Star Trek Fan Fiction University," which doesn't survive, and a previously unknown Star Trek mini, the Vulcan Teddy Bear.

The archivist has done editing in this mission, primarily adding commas and italicizing the name of the Enterprise. The mission uses the phrase, "Slimpic light," which confuses the archivist, so it has been left alone for now.

The mission, and the author note below, were written by Kippur. The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia. The badfic "Who Q? Where Q?" belongs to Stephen Ratliff. Star Trek: The Next Generation belongs to Gene Roddenberry.

This mission is rated PG for very minor innuendos and discussion of alcohol.

The Many Deaths of Marrissa Picard: Q-uesting )
Archivist's Note: The "Official Mini-Dragon University of Rekka no Ken" is a spin-off, written by Traek, of the main Official Fanfiction University of Rekka no Ken by Vyctori. Traek was a fan of the original OFU, serving as the inspiration for staff member Mr. T. (He also appears as "Treak" in This PPC mission.) The idea of a mini-dragon university seems to have come from a mention in OFURNK (apparently now lost) that misspelling the school's name would produce an entire new school.

It is unknown if OMDURNK was ever posted anywhere other than the message board where its single known chapter was found. This chapter was posted on July 28, 2004. Also included is part of a textbook that Traek mocked up for Lyn's "Mary-Sues and Gary-Stues—The Bane of an Author’s Existence" class at OFURNK, originally posted here on June 17, 2004.

The archivist has taken a bit of liberty trying to represent the "ninja gif" in one of Traek's author notes, and corrected one incorrect usage of "to;" otherwise, the content is unedited. Author Notes are by Traek. Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken belongs to Intelligent Systems at Nintendo. Everything here is rated G.

Official Mini-Dragon University of Rekka no Ken )

Mary Sue text book )
Archivist's Note: The "Official Fanfiction University of Rekka no Ken" was originally written by Vyctori Skye Windheart and posted on It seems to have been deleted after the Pit instated its policy against reader-interactive fics, and was never re-uploaded or continued. The following fragments were found on these message boards, and primarily comprise incomplete fragments and unbeta'd drafts. Because most of them were explicitly marked as drafts, they have not been edited. With the original story gone, dates can't be exact, but the discussion lasted from March to September in 2004.

While the main chapters were written by Vyctori, they feature characters based on some of her readers at the time. Some of these fans (as well as Vyctori herself) had cameos in Echo Kazul's PPC spin-off. A section at the bottom contains short works intended for a now-missing chapter of OFURNK, written by some of these fans; they will be credited in that section. Author Notes were written by Vyctori unless labeled otherwise. Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo's Intelligent Systems.

See also Traek's "Official Mini-Dragon University of Rekka no Ken."

This is probably rated about PG, due to mild violence and use of the term "porn."

Official Fanfiction University of Rekka no Ken )



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